The College Virgin
The College Virgin
Yes, it does exists.
The College Virgin can be spotted,
Playing Magic the Gathering
Wearing flame style shirts
Hanging Japanese anime posters on his wall
Sporting khakis with sneakers on
Having his tee-shirt tucked in
Always eating alone at the dining hall
When he sees an attractive woman, his body tenses up with a strange mixture of excitement, shame, pity. His eyes will dart at anything else but the woman as he hangs his head down in defeat. Seeing an attractive woman reminds the virgin of the mediocrity that is his life.
The college virgins’ weekends involve masturbating to internet pornography, playing videogames, and maybe watching a movie or two. He sleeps in the fetal position hoping and fantasizing that a beautiful girl that will someday share a bed with him.
It seems like everyone else except him is getting laid, partying and having fun. Why is this happening?
Perhaps he might have tried Craigslist casual encounters, only to quickly learn that the only guys actually getting laid off casual encounters are gay men. So instead he tries online dating, sending over a hundred messages, which result in maybe three or four responses and nothing else.
The college virgin might believe in the idea of soul-mates. That there is a one special girl for every guy and he just hasn’t been lucky in finding “The One”. However, it’s not so much him finding her, but rather him waiting for the soul-mate to find to him. He imagines the entire scenario playing out like a Romantic Comedy, where he admires the girl from afar for many months, while the girl is out with a carousel of assholes he knows isn’t right for her. It’s a White Knight complex, placing unrealistic expectations that continues his life of celibacy.
Or the college virgin might be overly religious, believing sex should only happen in marriage. Even though he might believe this, deep down, his male instincts tell him otherwise. Sex is an activity two consenting people enjoy. It’s not a big deal, therefore it shouldn’t ever be made into a big deal. Unless he’s Tim Tebow and voluntarily celibate, no girl will think it’s cute or charming.
The college virgin’s parents might have been high school or college sweat-hearts, and gotten married young; so he sees the same fate for himself. What the college virgin doesn’t realize is that times have changed. He most likely isn’t going to meet a girl the same way his dad did (especially if his parents met pre-birth control era). Girls today will likely have several sexual partners before “settling down”, and sexual chemistry will be a factor when she decides on a partner.
In college, I knew a first-generation Asian-American named Reggie who was a smart, conscientious worker, but also a virgin. He was a business finance major who put all his efforts into academic achievement, while completely ignoring any social life college offered. As a result, he graduated with outstanding grades, but had a tough time on job-interviews.
Reggie didn’t realize how important social skills are in Western culture. In the business world especially, communication skills far outweigh any other skills in the workplace. Being able to look someone in the eye and project confidence is mandatory. Interestingly, it’s also mandatory in any seduction.
A sexually confident person is going to be a confident person. And at some point, not getting laid is going to negatively affect a persons’ confidence.
Anyways, I bumped into Reggie a few weeks ago. As we caught up, I mentioned that I was a dating coach (helping men be awesome around women), and discussed the relevant events of my life that led me to that point. Reggie couldn’t comprehend that getting better with women was something that can be taught and learned, even though I was giving him real-life examples. Why is it so difficult to fathom someone taking responsibility to improve their current life situation?
Reggie went on to explain how growing up in a strict Asian household, he was led to believe all his hard-work in academics would lead to a fulfilling life. I could see the hamster wheels in Reggie’s head spin as he was tried to rationalize what he thought a fulfilling life meant. It must involve women, but Reggie told me how he couldn’t even think about getting a girlfriend until he had a job, bought a house, and had proper savings. So far, Reggie is nearing his thirties and hasn’t accomplished any of these.
However, Reggie isn’t alone. Only 20% of men are having sex with 80% of women. Therefore, involuntary celibacy is a major issue.
Just go to any Love-Shy forum, where sexless losers whine and complain, blaming their circumstances on women, instead of their unattractive personalities. These men hold misogynistic and judgmental attitudes towards women, alleging that all women are “self-absorbed”, “bitches”, “sluts”, and “gold-diggers”. These assumptions are based without these men ever even talking to women! The love-shy forums is an orgy of self-pity mediocrity and these guys deserve to have their genes weeded out of existence.
College virgins don’t suffer from a disease called “love-shy”. No. They suffer because of a lack courage and beliefs that have held them back from succeeding with women. In their minds, they play the same movies of failure over and over again; it’s a mediocre movie that becomes their life.
Being a virgin and in college is pathetic. It’s even more pathetic when a man accepts this fate and does nothing. College provides the most abundant platform for guys to get laid. If a guy hasn’t got laid in college, he likely won’t ever get laid after, when the opportunities to hook-up drastically go down.
Fortunately, there are resources available to help. For example,
Too shy? Join Toastmasters.
Not meeting people? Join a club, fraternity, get involved in activities.
Don’t know how to approach women? Read this blog
Not good-looking? Join a gym, diet, get a stylish haircut, pickup a GQ magazine.
Ultimately, there are no excuses. Don’t be like Reggie. Understand that getting better with women is something any man can work towards. It’s either get laid or accept a lifetime of mediocrity.
I’m reminded of the scene in the 40 Year-Old-Virgin movie, when Andy is confused why he should have to work on changing himself-
Andy Stitzer: This doesn’t feel right.
Jay: Of course it don’t feel right! What has felt right for you doesn’t work! You need to try some wrong, dawg.