The College Virgin
The College Virgin
Yes, it does exists.
The College Virgin can be spotted,
Playing Magic the Gathering
Wearing flame style shirts
Hanging Japanese anime posters on his wall
Pizza-face acne
Sporting khakis with sneakers on
Having his tee-shirt tucked in
Always eating alone at the dining hall
When he sees an attractive woman, his body tenses up with a strange mixture of excitement, shame, pity. His eyes will dart at anything else but the woman as he hangs his head down in defeat. Seeing an attractive woman reminds the virgin of the mediocrity that is his life.
The college virgins’ weekends involve masturbating to internet pornography, playing videogames, and maybe watching a movie or two. He sleeps in the fetal position hoping and fantasizing that a beautiful girl that will someday share a bed with him.
It seems like everyone else except him is getting laid, partying and having fun. Why is this happening?
Perhaps he might have tried Craigslist casual encounters, only to quickly learn that the only guys actually getting laid off casual encounters are gay men. So instead he tries online dating, sending over a hundred messages, which result in maybe three or four responses and nothing else.
The college virgin might believe in the idea of soul-mates. That there is a one special girl for every guy and he just hasn’t been lucky in finding “The One”. However, it’s not so much him finding her, but rather him waiting for the soul-mate to find to him. He imagines the entire scenario playing out like a Romantic Comedy, where he admires the girl from afar for many months, while the girl is out with a carousel of assholes he knows isn’t right for her. It’s a White Knight complex, placing unrealistic expectations that continues his life of celibacy.
Or the college virgin might be overly religious, believing sex should only happen in marriage. Even though he might believe this, deep down, his male instincts tell him otherwise. Sex is an activity two consenting people enjoy. It’s not a big deal, therefore it shouldn’t ever be made into a big deal. Unless he’s Tim Tebow and voluntarily celibate, no girl will think it’s cute or charming.
The college virgin’s parents might have been high school or college sweat-hearts, and gotten married young; so he sees the same fate for himself. What the college virgin doesn’t realize is that times have changed. He most likely isn’t going to meet a girl the same way his dad did (especially if his parents met pre-birth control era). Girls today will likely have several sexual partners before “settling down”, and sexual chemistry will be a factor when she decides on a partner.
In college, I knew a first-generation Asian-American named Reggie who was a smart, conscientious worker, but also a virgin. He was a business finance major who put all his efforts into academic achievement, while completely ignoring any social life college offered. As a result, he graduated with outstanding grades, but had a tough time on job-interviews.
Reggie didn’t realize how important social skills are in Western culture. In the business world especially, communication skills far outweigh any other skills in the workplace. Being able to look someone in the eye and project confidence is mandatory. Interestingly, it’s also mandatory in any seduction.
A sexually confident person is going to be a confident person. And at some point, not getting laid is going to negatively affect a persons’ confidence.
Anyways, I bumped into Reggie a few weeks ago. As we caught up, I mentioned that I was a dating coach (helping men be awesome around women), and discussed the relevant events of my life that led me to that point. Reggie couldn’t comprehend that getting better with women was something that can be taught and learned, even though I was giving him real-life examples. Why is it so difficult to fathom someone taking responsibility to improve their current life situation?
Reggie went on to explain how growing up in a strict Asian household, he was led to believe all his hard-work in academics would lead to a fulfilling life. I could see the hamster wheels in Reggie’s head spin as he was tried to rationalize what he thought a fulfilling life meant. It must involve women, but Reggie told me how he couldn’t even think about getting a girlfriend until he had a job, bought a house, and had proper savings. So far, Reggie is nearing his thirties and hasn’t accomplished any of these.
However, Reggie isn’t alone. Only 20% of men are having sex with 80% of women. Therefore, involuntary celibacy is a major issue.
Just go to any Love-Shy forum, where sexless losers whine and complain, blaming their circumstances on women, instead of their unattractive personalities. These men hold misogynistic and judgmental attitudes towards women, alleging that all women are “self-absorbed”, “bitches”, “sluts”, and “gold-diggers”. These assumptions are based without these men ever even talking to women! The love-shy forums is an orgy of self-pity mediocrity and these guys deserve to have their genes weeded out of existence.
College virgins don’t suffer from a disease called “love-shy”. No. They suffer because of a lack courage and beliefs that have held them back from succeeding with women. In their minds, they play the same movies of failure over and over again; it’s a mediocre movie that becomes their life.
Being a virgin and in college is pathetic. It’s even more pathetic when a man accepts this fate and does nothing. College provides the most abundant platform for guys to get laid. If a guy hasn’t got laid in college, he likely won’t ever get laid after, when the opportunities to hook-up drastically go down.
Fortunately, there are resources available to help. For example,
Too shy? Join Toastmasters.
Not meeting people? Join a club, fraternity, get involved in activities.
Don’t know how to approach women? Read this blog 
Not good-looking? Join a gym, diet, get a stylish haircut, pickup a GQ magazine.
Ultimately, there are no excuses. Don’t be like Reggie. Understand that getting better with women is something any man can work towards. It’s either get laid or accept a lifetime of mediocrity.
I’m reminded of the scene in the 40 Year-Old-Virgin movie, when Andy is confused why he should have to work on changing himself-
Andy Stitzer: This doesn’t feel right.
Jay: Of course it don’t feel right! What has felt right for you doesn’t work! You need to try some wrong, dawg.
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You make it sound like its some rare disease, lol
http://aleknovy.com/2011/03/06/virginity-is-making-a-comeback-i-e-nobody-is-having-sex-but-they-figure-everyone-else-is-bonking-like-crazy/
31% finish college as virgins…
Just in case you want to learn more about love-shyness and those who claim to suffer from it: http://whamburglered.blogspot.com/
Hah, sounds almost like I was early in college… though not nearly as bad.
I’m still a misogynistic asshole though, oh well.
Good writing, keep it up.
Holy crap -_- the part before the religion part is ME. To the friggin T. My god this article just kicked my ass
Ya thanks for mentioning my entire life in this thing. Minus the religion part im pretty much what you said about the movies and the sad and not doing anything about it. well done sir you kicked my ass
This is a good blog message, I will keep the post in my mind. If you can add more video and pictures can be much better. Because they help much clear understanding.
thanks Cavalieri.
So I graduated without ever getting some. What does one do about missing the boat?
@Triple v
Continue to read this blog
Make money and bang hot 19 year old escorts.
Well that doesn’t seem to help
but thanks for the response. I would have thought that there might be other good ways to help myself but nothing seems to work. Nothing left to look forward to in life. Should’ve dropped out and become a porn star instead of a PhD.
VVV,
Email me – jt AT getgirlsnotgame DOT COM
We’ll converse and get this handled for you.
Id rather be a virgin than use the word “dawg” in everyday concersation
are you serious bro?
I used to be just like that. Then I banged an escort and just didn’t give a fuck anymore.
I’m sure it helped alleviate sexual anxiety, but you know it’s only temporary…like an hour.
So is everything else in life. Even “love”. I had a bad case of being “too nice” and when I finally lost my v-chip to a pro. I just didn’t care anymore. I could bang girls just as or even hotter than the ones I saw at college parties.
It was really quire liberating to know that hot ass like that was only a phone call away.
I was like that during my 1st year of college, the religious part. Completely antisocial,even stuck up sometimes,looking down on the guys living their lives to the fullest. In short I was doing my best to stay a virgin until marriage. I’m not really shy, not even bad looking (hit the gym regularly). Some of the girls would even approach me sometimes and I would not take the bait. It’s a small college and word quickly got around that I’m this stuck up guy. Now in my 2nd year I find myself having no friends,no social circle,never had a girlfriend,worse of all a virgin. I can’t even make friends or talk to girls coz they still think I’m stuck up, maybe I am a little I try to change,nobody will give me a chance.
Did Reggie hit you up for some coaching or he’s basically relegated to his idea of what a man should be?
Thanks for the post JT. It was very insightful! Hell it describes me to a tee. Except for the beliving in the one true love and the romantic ending bs. You have actually inspired me to kill myself. this time I am making sure that I just wont end up with a bad leg
Wow, the first part of this article describes me perfectly. I’m almost 20 years old, college sophomore, virgin. I’ve been reading Chateau Heartiste for about a month and just stumbled to this blog. The Chateau, although it has a lot of good information, is a bit too advanced for someone so inexperienced like me, it looks like this blog will be much more helpful.
Here’s my situation. I’m an almost 20 year old virgin who has never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. I’m not a terrible looking guy, I have had decent looking girls interested in me in the past, I was just too much of a pussy to do anything about it. I do have a significant handicap though, and that’s that I am 5’6″. I’m also about 20 pounds overweight, but I have put that on in the past 6 months as I have been pretty consistently lazy lately, so I think I can lost that pretty easily. I was raised by a good, but very beta, father and a mother and grandmother that pushed me into playing violin instead of playing football, and watching musicals and shit instead of watching sports. I’m not a WOW nerd, very rarely play videogames (maybe 1x a month). I go to a large (35k students) state research university. I am at somewhat of a disadvantage though as I am a commuter student that lives at home with his parents. I have a small but close group of friends, and do get involved with some on campus activities. I also have an on campus job, which helps me stay on campus more and meet some people.
Basically my question is, where do I start to improving my life?
Jason,
Hit me up on email~ JT AT GETGIRLSNOTGAME DOT COM
We’ll go over short term and long term improvements that will help with your current situation.
b,
JT
Work on dropping the weight and stop thinking of being 5’6″ as a handicap it’s really not as bad as you see it. Remember, you’re your own worst critic. I’m the same age as you and just recently started seriously making a conscious effort to stop being such a pussy. Obviously I’m not in a position to really give too much advice..but one thing that I keep running into and can confidently say is a HUGE HUGE factor is the concept of getting yourself to a point where you are 150% comfortable with the things about yourself that you can’t change. If you aren’t comfortable you won’t be able to exude the type of confidence and natural demeanor that you are going to need.
I always try to remember a quote I read from Rob Judge “Start sacking up and stop giving a fuck”
I think the most difficult part of it is the inferiority complex that can’t be overcome… ever! It really is that way, because the reality that I am inferior eclipses everything. I learn to push it far down every morning so that I can get through the day.
I have been browsing online greater than 3 hours today, yet I by no means discovered any attention-grabbing article like yours. It’s pretty price sufficient for me. Personally, if all webmasters and bloggers made excellent content material as you probably did, the internet will be a lot more helpful than ever before.
Wow that sounds like me, but im not as hard working as reggie will ever be. Its just that i usually have no idea how to be a socialite in this society.
@Solemn
Make money and bang escorts. All women are whores. No exceptions.
I’m a fucking coward. I should die. Fuck me (not literally, using a colloquialism here).
I’ll be a senior in college at the end of August yet I’m a virgin. This is despite a high female to male ratio at my college (an unconscious/conscious reason for choosing it). I’m a fucking fucking fucking fucking loser (I repeat fucking to emphasize this fact).
Listen to me whine like the BITCH I am.
Doesn’t matter that you’re a bitch…what matters is what you’re doing about it.
JT
I suspect that many college virgins are more than nerdy recluses with confidence issues. I for example am in my senior year; I’ve been active in clubs and volunteering for years. I have a healthy body and am not even remotely shy. These things haven’t improved my situation though, so I suspect that many college virgins have more excuses than the author gives them credit for.
As if not being a virgin is a requirement to be someone who matters. Sounds like the author has issues.
I was a late virgin. All women ignored me while they went with bad boys. They (bad boys) had confidence because they treated women like objects, and of course, anybody has confidence in relation to (what he considers an) object(s).
Meanwhile I studied a lot. I was alone, virgin until 30 years old. But, now I make enough money to “meet” with any escort I like. The money I spend on a one hour “meeting” with a high quality escort I make in about 30 minutes (self employed IT guy
).
When I’ll see a woman whinning “Where have all the good men gone? ” I will say: “You deserve none of them because women like you rejected them. Most of them learned their lesson, they are no longer good and they go to young escorts just for f*cks. Now, they reject you and you deserve to die as a spinster.”.
Fuck you, you bigoted, judgemental, chauvinist arse. My Bullshit Meter is spinning out of control.
Please explain.