Routines & Attraction? Oh My!
My biggest problem with “routines” is that they are lies. And very often they are absurd lies like Brad P.’s “The Horse Girl Opener”-
YOU: “Hey do you like horses?”
GIRL: ”HUH? ummm yea i guess.”
YOU: “Hmm, I thought so. OK check this out, when I was in the 6th grade, there was this girl who loved horses. She used to run around the playground for an hour straight at lunchtime. She’d be galloping and making horse noises. We used to call her the weird horse girl.”
GIRL: “Yeah, so?”
YOU: “well…you look JUST LIKE HER!”
GIRL: “Hey!! (giggling and smiling) I’m not the weird horse girl!!!”
YOU: “OK that’s cool. If it was me I wouldn’t admit it either. Now I’m
not saying you’re definitely her, but just in case you are, I want to tell
you I’m sorry.”
GIRL: “Sorry for what?”
YOU: “Sorry for all the times I made fun of you. See, in school I was
always one of the cool kids. And I used to make fun of the horse girl.
Now I’m older and more mature, and I feel bad. So do you forgive
GIRL: “OK I forgive you.”
What’s worse than a long, silly, scripted story like ‘The Horse Girl Opener’ is that Brad P. claims in the headline of his marketing copy, “This is the Opener that Got Me Laid More Than Any Other Opener”; as if girls became attracted to him and got themselves wet because he crafted this panty-dropping routine.
What Brad P. (and much of the PUA community) doesn’t understand is that routines don’t create “attraction”. Attraction is NOT the words you use or even what you talk about; it’s the emotions evoked when interacting with a girl.
For example, I could tell a story about my Grandmother’s cookie recipe and if I communicated it with emotional intensity, it would generate attraction because emotions equal attraction. Better to focus on how a girl feels than to talk at her with routines hoping for the best.
Instead of an elaborate routine like ‘The Horsegirl Opener’, a man can simply say, “Hi. I’m [his name]. I wanted to meet you.” This shows confidence, which is obviously very attractive to women and gets them responding positively.
When men need routines, they’re using routines as a crutch to convey personality, appear interesting, and manipulate women into positive reactions. And they are literally foregoing their own identity to assume someone else’s identity. It’s inauthentic behavior that’s comes off as creepy, deceitful, and very unattractive.
Moreover, men shouldn’t have to lie and use routines because women are extremely good at determining whether a man brings value to the table or not. A man that hides behind a routine is conveying that he isn’t confident in himself, that he isn’t enough for a woman, and as such, and offers no real value.
What routines do accomplish is turning the guys who use them into ‘over-gaming’ clowns around girls. These guys use routines as a series of long scripted stories that trap girls into setting up for a silly punchline (see ‘The Horsegirl Opener’). While the girls may appear to be entertained and interested, these girls never see the clowns as sexual threats (in a good way). It’s the reason girls flake on them and don’t take them seriously; or they end up in the dreaded friend-zone.
Women are looking for men with a specific set of attributes, so good ‘game’ means becoming the man that women desire. Such attributes might include demonstrating leadership, being comfortable in an environment, fitness, intellectual ability, wealth, social standing, strong sense of purpose, etc. It’s no coincidence that absolutely anyone who gets good at picking up women also excels in many other areas of their life. It’s the cause, not the effect. Ultimately, this is what gets guys laid.