Dating as an Asian-American

Guest Post by Ben J., ABCs of Attraction Coach and Trainer.

The tall lean blonde stands in the corner of the noisy bar, sipping her cosmopolitan anxiously waiting for the tall and handsome white man, rugged with his stubble and fit as can be to approach her. While the woman waits in silence, I walk up to the lean blonde and tell her how gorgeous she is, and that I had to come over and ask for her name.

She reciprocates the scintillating conversation to me. We speak of high class, interesting activities from our personal hobbies, career, and past adventures traveling to unknown and mysterious lands. She smiles, laughs, flirts, kisses, enjoys the warmth of my company and we leave hand in hand to watch a movie with a glass of wine at my apartment as she tells me, “You are the most interesting Asian man I have ever met.” Her paradigm shifts, reality shattered, whatever stereotypes she had believed in have been changed.

The tall and handsome white man didn’t even stand a chance.

Dating as an Asian-American has always been a unique experience. While mass media has unfortunately portrayed me as a small dick, sexually awkward, nerdy person, I don’t let that stop me from picking up the women I see. Feel no pity for me, as I genuinely feel that being a sexually active and dominant Asian male gives me a leading edge over others the competitive dating arena.

“The only way to break a stereotype is to not believe in it” – JT Tran aka “The Asian Playboy.”

One of my closest friends, colleagues, and mentor for life said this little quote about dating as an Asian American. We’ve had our plenty share of adventures being the only Asian guys in a night club or a bar and seen making out and kissing various women of different colors. It was never always like this though. We went through our times of being racially slurred and cock blocked by even our own friends. “Wait, you’re asking for my number? But you’re Asian!” “Go away! Asians have small dicks!” “Get lost. We don’t talk to Asian guys.”

But of course, the positive experiences dating as an Asian-American completely obliterate and outweigh the negative experiences. What’s the best part? It’s shattering peoples’ realities. I’ve had many women say to me, “you are the most interesting Asian guy I’ve ever met,” or “I’ve never been hit on by an Asian guy,” and “You’re just friendly, fun, and you make me feel at home. I thought Asians didn’t date outside their race…”

Asian men are not seen as sexual creatures. It is an unfortunate perspective many women have of us, but due to cultural customs and beliefs, Asian men tend to be soft spoken, quiet, reserved, and don’t necessarily break out of their shell when it comes to socializing. When I am out meeting women and socializing with my friends, I don’t necessarily come “under the radar”; but shattering the realities of others by commanding presence, being dominant, and giving off the vibe of fun, cool, and interesting is how I have turned many women of all races to think differently of Asian men.

My personal secret weapon is that because I am not seen as a sexual creature from right off the bat, it makes it easy to approach women, chat them up, and immediately be sexual with them. I am seen as non-threatening and don’t exactly come off as “hitting” on the girl if I don’t display some sort of interest from right off the bat. When I immediately say something along the lines of, “you’re gorgeous, I had to come and say hello, “or “That dress looks absolutely stunning. Are you in the fashion industry?” She knows I’m interested in her, and it immediately creates a vibe of mystique and intrigue. Her mind is thinking, “This non-threatening looking guy is hitting on me. I wonder where it’s going to go…” The level of confidence shown is off the scales.

When dating as an Asian-American, persistence is key. The process of consistently improving one’s social lifestyle is an absolute must. We’re seen as quiet and soft-spoken, but we have the power in our hands today to change this perception and shatter the reality of not just the beautiful women we meet, but our co-workers, friends, family, and society itself.

In short, the positives of dating as an Asian American is the ease of approach, the power to be sexual immediately, and easily shift paradigms of women. While the negatives mainly stray on stereotypes and asexuality, this is easily conquered by simply not believing in them, and staying persistent to improve oneself. Being an Asian male, I can quickly change minds and alter perceptions with charm, wit, and some sexuality. When I’m out on the prowl, it is a process of pure excitement and exhilaration as I can approach, converse, and seduce women, while changing their perception of my race.

Ben is a 23 year old professional pick up artist living in Los Angeles, California. He has been studying the arts of seduction for merely 2 years and has taught many different workshops with Asian Playboy and the ABCs of Attraction. Ben is currently dating a Hollywood television star and in his off time, he enjoys SCUBA diving, saving the ocean environment, and skydiving.