Awesome Approaching

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Every girl is different. Every situation is different. However, the way you go about approaching a girl for the first time will typically be one of three specific ways. It’s important to know which approach to use based on the atmosphere (i.e. nightclub, bar, coffee shop), as well as finding out which technique is best suited for your personality. Let’s take a look at these approach methods I speak of.

When using a direct approach you make it clear to the girl that you’re talking to her because you found her attractive. Perhaps you walk straight up to her, stick out your hand and say, “Hello. I’m Alex. How is your night going so far?” or something witty like, “I’m not going to lie, I walked over here because you are way better looking than the guys I came with.”

There’s absolutely no beating around the bush with a direct approach. It’s the ‘grown-ass man’ way to talk to a girl because you will almost immediately find out if she sees you as potential. The only drawback is that she could quickly dead you if she doesn’t. When you’re approaching a girl during the daytime, maybe in a department store or coffee shop, the direct approach could be your only option because you might not have the time to hang around and wait for a different opportunity.

The indirect approach is when you casually initiate an interaction with a girl, coming across as if you wanted to strike a conversation just for sake of it with no further intentions. Of course that’s bullshit, we always have an ulterior motive–we’re thinking with our dicks half the time. The most common example of an indirect approach is asking a girl for her opinion on something: “Is that drink good, it looks pretty crazy?” or “Is this place always this crowded or did I just come on a good night?” Another example would be overhearing a conversation and then jumping in with your own opinion.

The advantage to the indirect approach is that there is no real chance for rejection as you’re just starting a casual conversation. It’s great for those guys that are terrified at cold-approaching and get all shook up and shit before walking up to a girl. The disadvantage is that is really doesn’t give you a chance to make an impression on the girl and you’re going to have to hope the conversation continues and you have more opportunities to do so later on.

Speaking of impressions, the last way of approaching is what I like to call the homerun swing. It’s basically the direct approach on steroids. It’s when you want to make an immediate impression on a chick in attempt to sweep her right off of her feet. For instance, when I see a girl strolling passed me with two drinks in her hand I’ll take a homerun swing and say, “Oh my God you got me a drink and you don’t even know me! When I first saw you I was like wow she’s pretty, but now I think you’re absolutely awesome!” The second she laughs I stick out my hand and introduce myself. And then I take my homerun trot around the bases because when you successfully pull off one of these expert openers, in all likelihood you can coast to a great night.

Guest Post by Alex Anthony of

JT Styles (43 Posts)

JT Styles is a dating coach located in New York City. He has trained extensively in the social and seductions arts since 2008 and teaches a distinctive style of approaching women based on masculinity, honest sexual expression, and understanding female emotion. His clients include professional executives, college students, divorced singles, the sexually inexperienced, and any man that wishes to improve his current dating situation.

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  1. Trip says:

    Great post! I am mostly a fan of the super direct openers. “Hey I thought you were cute, I had to say hi”. That has worked the best for me. What about you, what’s your favorite?

  2. Dan Murray says:

    I still use the situation opener. You come across as non-threatening with the add bonus of being spontaneous. However, it doesn’t really set yourself apart from other men, but it does start you on the road of connecting with a set.

  3. Markji says:

    It doesnt all depend on how you approach a girl. There’s more between you and her, just before you approach her.

    Maintaining strong eye contact and checking out if she’s attracted to you can save you lot’s of effort as an natural. If she’s interessted and you already made it to flirt with your eyes, approaching can be done by simple saying “Hi”.

    Most peoples are worrying to much about things that they shouldnt spend time thinking about too much.

  4. John Rendon says:

    In most situations going Socially Direct is the best choice. It’s going direct, but in a fun, no pressure way. What’s most important is to have a fun and cool vibe when you approach that makes her feel at ease and comfortable with your presence.

    Be fun and direct, but don’t come on too strong too soon. You can’t flirt with a girl that isn’t comfortable being around you.

    Have the frame of mind that you’re bringing the fun when you approach. With that frame, you’ll never feel any pressure.

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